That's All I'm Asking For...

* Two years ago, I started a new blog, Soul Aligned Scripts , which (as of this writing) consists of a whopping ONE post! It is a fantastic, true story of real joy wrapped up in my awesome ridiculousness – totally and completely ME . I wrote that during a time that I was discovering myself after years of being who I thought everyone else needed me to be, and who I needed to be to protect myself from the big-bad boogeyman, also known as my negative, scary, uncomfortable feelings . Even after experiencing such joy and learning about myself and others along the way, which brought so much sparkle into my life, it didn’t take long for me to revert back to my small self. You know, the scared, angry, resentful, controlling me that couldn’t create or maintain “sparkle” even with a warehouse full of fireworks at my disposal. Nope, I simply was not ready. I still had much to acknowledge, heal and release. That’s All I’m Asking For… is the chronicle of my most recent Dark Night of the Soul Jour

As I drove in the dark of night home from the airport, I had two and a half hours to listen, think, process, drink coffee, and do it all some more. At one point, around Red Wing, MN, I began to have a conversation with my unseen Universal support. I don’t know what they look like, but I imagine them to be ancestors, loved ones, angels, and guides from across the galaxies. I’m quite certain I’m never fully alone, but I sure felt like it on this particular night. I wondered aloud through tears, why it wasn’t ok to feel the way I was feeling about a heavy situation in my life. Why did I feel like such a loser for having these emotions? Why am I so weak? Am I destined to feel like this forever? And then I heard the Mystic’s words from the beach: “You’re probably not going to die”. Something clicked inside of me and said, “No! Not this time...” Somewhere between the ages of 19 and 22, I told at least one of my close friends that I just  knew  I was going to die at 23. It seemed just a fli

I had to leave the beach and my hammock of waves slightly earlier than the Mystic to get ready for my journey back home. Showered, packed, good-byes exchanged, and the car loaded, we were off to the Gay Dolphin for some last-minute gifts and souvenirs. I found nothing on those shelves for myself that could do honor to the memory of this unforgettable experience. Instead, I was grateful to find meaningful (or at least useful) gifts for my baybas and those who made my trip possible by shouldering some of my homestead responsibilities. We ate some classic American food at a place attached to a huge arcade. Oh, had I the time, I would have loved to play some air hockey or a racing game. Next time! Like I said earlier , even though we just had three days straight of Soul Talk, I still wanted more as the Mystic dropped me at the curb. What was I going to do without her reassuring me that “I probably wouldn’t die”?! And all the other sage advice she delivered, not to mention the good time

Sometime after our gifted breakfast at the hotel and getting settled at the beach, I received a message. I didn’t read it, but I just knew it was going to deliver some news or information I didn’t want to hear. If I’ve learned anything so far on this leg of my “ Dark Night of the Soul ” journey, it’s that I must allow myself to actually feel my emotions. Julie Menanno, author and licensed therapist of The Secure Relationship , discusses "What is Letting Go?" in this  Instagram post . She starts out explaining what ‘letting go’ is – letting go of control. Driving that need to control is fear, which causes us to try to avoid uncomfortable feelings, using control to prevent them. We who need control are afraid of ourselves – of our feelings. She explains further that emotion rises, peaks, and falls. ‘Letting go’ is allowing the pain to flow through you, as it will not last forever. Julie states that according to Harvard Brain Scientist, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, it takes about 90

The family obligation that originally caused me hesitation in booking my flight to this adventure got pushed up a day, and I had to find a flight back home a day early. Although I was sad to leave our extended stay in Soul Talk Land, I must admit, it really did solve several challenges I would face on my solo day at Myrtle Beach between when the Mystic left with her car in the morning and my flight at 8pm. I started my last day at the beach with the “Texas Sisters”, three sweet, classy women with a lot of love for each other and of life! While each had their own special personality, the love of family exuded from each one of them. During our mini-visits, I learned about two of them, including their relationships with one another, their children, spouses, and family. I found that I share my name with their mother – Shirley Ann. Again, I felt connected to these strangers through conversation accumulating to not more than an hour total. While I hoped they felt the gift of that connect

 I think both the Mystic and I mentioned my mid-afternoon nap in previous posts. I would have said “mid-afternoon nap…that wasn’t ”. In fact, I would have bet my first born that I did not sleep at all during my daytime lie-down. I remember hearing every word of all the audio I played to help me sleep, seeing the Mystic sending distance energy healing as she lay next to me, and my consciousness was seemingly completely aware the whole time. Finally, I gave up the ghost of sleep-past and opened the patio door to where my friend sat, laptop…on her lap! “I didn’t sleep at all,” I said, to which she quickly replied, “Yes you did.” The mystic told me I snored a bit, and it sounded almost primal. That must have been when she high-tailed it out onto the balcony. In my younger days, I would sleepwalk/speak when in strange places. I guess a primal mid-day snore is less dramatic, but both make me laugh at myself and how I handle being away from home. Weirdo! Even with the lack of sleep, mini

  I am finding it hard to be all chronological with this account of my shared experience in Myrtle Beach with my friend, the Mystic. After all, experience is rarely linear, or at least I rarely remember it that way. As I’ve shared in earlier posts, I’m led mostly by feeling . When I think of the feeling of this trip, it is deep, soul-awakening and cleansing, and all felt so new since we were visiting a place I have never been. I woke around 4:30am, with a sour stomach from our previous night of fun at Broadway on the Beach. Just as I was about to bolt to the bathroom, I felt someone stand up from sitting next to me on the bed! I could hear and feel my bestie to my back, so I looked out into the darkness of the hotel room and said “Hello?”, as if the unseen presence would answer. But answer it did, with a wave of warm, almost tingly energy that entered my body on my right side from mid-thigh to the bottom of my ribs. It felt benevolent and loving and I would have liked to have relaxed

Bob* and Dale*…oh my! Although I keep typing Chip and Dale, for continuity’s sake, I’ll stick with the Mystic’s alias choices here. These two were a hoot! A flirtatious, comedic tag-team of generational camaraderie camped out at Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville who greeted us with their humor immediately. In-between their liners and schtick, they let their guard down for moments of real . In my old age, I am finding how much I dearly love silliness and whimsy, but I require pieces of authenticity sprinkled in to make true connection. Bob and Dale did not disappoint! NPR’s, The Photojournalist discusses The Secret Meaning of Tattoos : “Tattoos may be skin deep, but their significance sometimes goes deeper. The messages sent by body art are an individual's self-expression, but there are recurring motifs that can often tell you something about the wearer.” While I saw no such art on what little skin Bob was showing, Dale’s body art provided messages about who he is and what he va

My first full day ocean-side started early. They all started early. Between 4:30 and 5:30am seemed my vacation rising time and I had no choice but to go with it! The sunrise was brilliant, the ocean breeze solidified my wide-awakeness and I got to see all the goings-on that most vacationers miss. Activities like lifeguards setting up the beach chairs and umbrellas temporary beach-bums like my bestie and I would later rent for the day. Hotel staff cleaning the pool and enjoying the sunrise with me, and a few other early-risers walking the beach and watching all the birds dive and glide in the breeze. When I served as the opening barista at our local coffee shop, I reveled in catching glimpses of early-morning phenomena I was one of few to see from my vantage point, and I loved it. It felt like secret sensory treasures, gifted for my eyes only. My early beach mornings felt similar, but surprisingly, I was not by any means alone at those ungodly hours! It also gave me time to meet new “

“I’m going on a nomadic adventure,” my bestie explained. “You should join me in Myrtle Beach from July 31 st through August 5 th !”. I was excited for the prospect of getting the rock out of Dodge while crashing a true adventure…for about 30 seconds. That is, until I allowed this very sparkly idea she threw my way to be all but snuffed out with my emotional pain and big, grown-up responsibilities. Oh, and my own family vacation just the week prior. It seemed a ridiculous thought, but with not much more to do than book my flight and pack, a little bit of sparkle remained around this girlie trip to Myrtle Beach. Who knows?! It could just be the most fun ! And as serendipity would have it, my perceived obstacles were all taken care of without me having to do a damned thing! Flight prices went down from my first serious searches, a family commitment I needed to be in WI for was now scheduled the day after my return. My awesome pet care-takers agreed to stay on another week. I was crashi

A frog just landed on the top of my foot with a “Splat!” as I walked up the stairs from my little piece of refuge on Round Lake and into the house. That’s right, a frog. While not all-together shocking, since my home is literally in marshland, it is odd, as I am clothed from head-to-toe. The only skin showing is my face and my feet. Guess I’ll take my foot over my forehead for this visit! And maybe not odd at all. I operate in a world of signs, synchronicities, serendipity and feeling . I pay attention to things that others may pass off as coincidence or simply as a strange occurrence with no deeper meaning. Now, not everything has profound meaning through my lens, but I instinctively know when to pay attention, when to dig-in and see if there is a message or something for me to understand beyond what’s happening on the surface. Cause for further investigation could be a repeating number sequence, a sensation of energy through a specific part of my body, an unseen presence felt sit