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Letting Go


Sometime after our gifted breakfast at the hotel and getting settled at the beach, I received a message. I didn’t read it, but I just knew it was going to deliver some news or information I didn’t want to hear. If I’ve learned anything so far on this leg of my “Dark Night of the Soul” journey, it’s that I must allow myself to actually feel my emotions. Julie Menanno, author and licensed therapist of The Secure Relationship, discusses "What is Letting Go?" in this Instagram post. She starts out explaining what ‘letting go’ is – letting go of control. Driving that need to control is fear, which causes us to try to avoid uncomfortable feelings, using control to prevent them. We who need control are afraid of ourselves – of our feelings. She explains further that emotion rises, peaks, and falls. ‘Letting go’ is allowing the pain to flow through you, as it will not last forever. Julie states that according to Harvard Brain Scientist, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, it takes about 90 seconds for the pain to flow through you, by staying in your body and out of your thoughts. By placing your focus on the physical sensations of the emotions like noticing your heart rate, heaviness in your chest, tightening of your stomach, etc, it will pass if you just let it be.

Now, if you’ve kept up with me at all, you’ve read “I am guided mostly by feeling”. It is ironic that this feely-feelerson, who is not afraid to dive deep into the dark, is afraid to allow herself to feel uncomfortable, but it is true. I also didn’t like to allow others around me to feel uncomfortable either because I am an empath – I feel other people’s feels and if of the uncomfortable sort, I would immediately move into “fixer” mode to just get that taken care of, robbing others of this process of letting go due to my own fear and need to control in an effort to avoid discomfort. Oh. My. God. The first time I tried this ‘letting go’ process, it took me between 15 and 30 minutes to actually stay within my body long enough to allow myself to feel the uncomfortable emotions before they passed, but I did it!

So, before reading said message of discontent, I wanted to get myself square with the emotion that was coming up. The Mystic sat to my right in her beach chair, journaling, while I sat, feet in sand, eyes on the water, hands on my belly, and just let this big ick of tension and racing heartbeat…be. I had sat for well over 20 minutes when the Mystic closed her journal. I explained that after allowing the discomfort to exist all this time, I was as yet unsuccessful in letting go of the feeling before reading the message.

The Mystic looked at me and said, in her dead-pan delivery, “Well, whatever it is, you’re probably not going to die”. We had a big laugh, and yes, I had to admit, I probably was not going to die.

“Ready to hit the water?” I asked, and off we went.

She had no idea that she really was channeling her Mystical gifts to deliver a message I would later use to understand myself even further. For now, I hit the waves just as hard as they hit me, shattering more pieces of a former, unconscious self to be cleansed in the sea. I floated for what seemed like hours atop those waves, ears submerged so I could just hear the muffled tides crashing and my heart beating a gentle rhythm, which lulled me just as much as the rocking of the water, helping me let it all go.

And that's all I'm asking for...one wave at a time.

If you haven't already, please check out my friend's Myrtle Beach experience for her take on this co-creation of a trip!

A dear friend, also going through a rough spot in life, found solace and inspiration in this Jackson Browne tune. Nothing else could fit my experience on this day, allowing the 'sisters of the sun' to Rock Me on the Water...


My Dark Night of the Soul Journey here at That's All I'm Asking For...was necessary to reach where I am today. While I am still working through the residue of a lifetime of beliefs and behaviors that no longer serve me, I am so grateful to be the most authentic version of myself I have ever known. If you're curious, please join me as I continue this adventure of me. It has been a journey worth taking, for sure!

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Location: Myrtle Beach, SC, USA

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