Close to Me

 

I am finding it hard to be all chronological with this account of my shared experience in Myrtle Beach with my friend, the Mystic. After all, experience is rarely linear, or at least I rarely remember it that way. As I’ve shared in earlier posts, I’m led mostly by feeling. When I think of the feeling of this trip, it is deep, soul-awakening and cleansing, and all felt so new since we were visiting a place I have never been.

I woke around 4:30am, with a sour stomach from our previous night of fun at Broadway on the Beach. Just as I was about to bolt to the bathroom, I felt someone stand up from sitting next to me on the bed! I could hear and feel my bestie to my back, so I looked out into the darkness of the hotel room and said “Hello?”, as if the unseen presence would answer. But answer it did, with a wave of warm, almost tingly energy that entered my body on my right side from mid-thigh to the bottom of my ribs. It felt benevolent and loving and I would have liked to have relaxed into that feeling, but my poor tummy had other plans.

I am all for the feels from all kinds of sources, but I’m mostly talking about on the human emotional scale. On occasion, I receive the feeling of a presence visiting me that’s not of this world. This has only happened a few times in my life, and while I have suspicions of the identity of my visitor, I probably won’t know until I’ve joined them on the other side…a long, long, long time from now.

After that, the morning vibe was that of exhaustion, as the free coffee bar wouldn’t open for a few more hours. Once the coffee was flowing, I was feeling more alive even on this rainy day in Myrtle Beach. I made the rounds with my morning regulars, “New York”, “Eau Claire” and I think the “Texas Sisters”, who I’ll talk more about on a later post. “Eau Claire” was leaving for our home state later that morning, and although we’d shared less than an hour total together, I already felt myself missing him and his midwestern chit-chat. “New York” was with me for the long haul, and on this morning one half of the duo seemed beyond upset. Like, couldn’t form words kind of upset. Former me would try to dig in and do some fixin’, but I’m in the middle of transformation, recognizing that although I’m not all there yet, new me is not required to fix anyone. Ever. So, I said “catch ya later” and walked back up to the hotel.

Rising so early, I actually came back to bed for a lie-down before my bestie had even pulled the covers back. I listened to part of her morning meditation and thought a nap might be great, but that would have to happen later, for breakfast outside of the hotel awaited! By the time we got to our destination, Tupelo Honey, the rain was just starting. We dashed inside and were greeted by my favorite song by The Cure, Close to Me. Clapping, horns, keys…well, ya know I had to dance! Even though our actual waiter was no fun at all, another member of the wait staff joined me in my little disco moment, from behind the Mystic’s seat in the booth as I sat across from her, unable to stop moving until the song was over. The entry song, very mini dance party and the atmosphere of the restaurant made me feel expansive, like everything was possible. I don’t remember the details of that morning’s soul talk, but I know it felt good and my waffles were so delicious. I was filled up in all the ways.

After breakfast, we hung out in a covered entryway where the Mystic thought we should get a photo of me. Upon reviewing them, that expansive feeling I just described was completely diminished. How could someone who felt so good, look so…not good?! I clearly have more work to do in the self-love department, but that’s more than three days in Myrtle Beach can cure, I guess. That’s when we saw the creepy-crawly cockroach. You can find the Mystic’s takeaways on the meaning of cockroach here. What stuck out to me from the first resource that popped up on my search, was that if cockroach had a tagline, it would be: “Where there is a will, there’s a way.” It also says this spirit animal must live in the moment, being resourceful and tenacious and can symbolize community. I never thought I’d be inspired by the sight of a cockroach, but there it was, exactly what I needed to consider at this time in my life. Ta-da! The cockroach sighting, coupled with my early morning energy visitor, left me feeling the Universe so very Close to Me.

And that’s all I’m asking for…mostly all the time.

If you haven't already, please check out my friend's Myrtle Beach experience for her take on this co-creation of a trip!

My Dark Night of the Soul Journey here at That's All I'm Asking For...was necessary to reach where I am today. While I am still working through the residue of a lifetime of beliefs and behaviors that no longer serve me, I am so grateful to be the most authentic version of myself I have ever known. If you're curious, please join me as I continue this adventure of me. It has been a journey worth taking, for sure!